Years of abusing performance enhancing drugs such as water, ensure, beer and bagbalm have finally caught up to me and has tragically resulted in my pregnancy and this humiliating court-ordered confession.
I hereby offer my sincerest apologies to all of my fans, supporters and probation officers – I am sorry.
Sorry I had an overwhelming desire to finish randonees whatever the cost! I nearly changed my name to Aarthur Aanderson, just to ensure that I was listed first on every list of entrants and finishers to each randonnee. I am thankful that the (now very obvious) telltale signs of my condition alerted my handlers to my desperation.
I still seek some understanding as to how exactly I became as I am now, pregnant. Was it the drugs solely? Did something unspeakable happen to me when I passed out in that sandstorm in Morocco during PDP 2016? Read all about it in my new coffee table book – order before March 31 and you will receive an autographed hand-drawn picture of my new bicycle as well!
Rumours that I am experiencing an hysterical pregnancy because of off-season boredom and the desperate need to promote my new coffee table book are unfounded and downright mean.
If you see me, offer me a beer and I will tell you all about my condition and throw in a few stories of my intrepid exploits!
au revoir mon cher!